whoah! It's almost 3am and I still don't wanna sleep. Hell yeah, I'm dead tired but wasting time is the last thing to do at this boring night. I'm writing in Filipino for the next few sentences, missing my mother tongue eh... :)

LAHAT NG BAGAY SA MUNDO AY MAY DAHILAN KUNG BAKIT KAILANGAN MANGYARI. KADALASAN PA AY HINDI NATIN ITO GUSTO O GINUSTO. ISANG HALIMBAWA NA LANG AY ANG PAGKAWALA NG ISANG TAONG MINAMAHAL.
HALOS DALAWANG TAON AT KALAHATI NA ANG NAKAKALIPAS MULA NANG PUMANAW ANG AKING LOLA, INA NG AKING AMA. NAPAKABILIS NG PANAHON, NAAALALA KO PA NOONG GABI NA NALAMAN KONG WALA NA SIYA. HALOS PARANG AYAW KO NG UMUWI,WALANG TIGIL SA PAGPATAK ANG AKING MGA LUHA LALO NA NANG MAKITA KO SIYA. WALA NG HININGA. HINDI NA MULING BABALIK PA.... NAGING MAHIRAP ANG PAGTANGGAP SA SAKIN LALO NA SA AKING AMA DAHIL PAREHO NAMING NARARAMDAMAN NA WALA KAMING NAGAWA PARA MAPAHABA PA ANG BUHAY NIYA. TAMA RING SABIHIN NA HINDI KO NAGAWA ANG LAHAT NG MAKAKAYA KO PARA MAPASAYA SIYA SA BAWAT SANDALI...

ENGLISH MODE, di ko na kaya magtagalog.... hahaha...

I just feel like writing about my Granny because it was her bday last jan17 and I miss all the times that she was still here on earth. I love her, but sad to say, I am not hundred percent sure that she knew it or somehow, she felt it. I've been watching the video (tribute) I made for her two days ago. The nostalgic air in my room is just getting worse, I even see how I neglected her so many times when I got a lot of chances to show her my love. The world was just cruel to her. And I was one of those insensitive human who was supposed to understand her deeply. *tears*

Her death has started the losing grip of my father to see all the brighter things in life. Until now, he can't accept what happened. I even told him to move on thousands of times already. Maybe, I don't understand him but it's not getting any better. Our relationship has changed into a whirlwind of arguments, bitter memories of the past and unending regrets. :(

I'm praying that Nanay will hear me when I talk to God at night. I may be a fool to think that she can actually hear me but who knows, we are just one line apart from heaven. My one little prayer is for her to enlighten my Dad's mind to accept the reality, to cherish the good things and move on with courage. I am positive about this. Please help me God.......

Happy bday nanay... ilove you and i will always will....