It was such a great night when my CHARTIS family partied at ZIRCA ( formerly Ministry of Sound) yesterday night as our year end celebration of hard work and all had pay off. Drinks were free flowing from 6pm until 10pm. A very energetic band played those music around the world with most of the Filipinos shaking their booties on the dance floor. I enjoyed the party because of the food which was so vegetarian and of course the fun of being with all my colleagues and big bosses.... I didn't drink even a sip coz I was afraid that my gastric pain will be back again. My doctor advised me so to avoid drinking liquors. Anyway, I'm not used of drinking eversince.... As a result, I've been asleep for more than 10 hours. waaaah. droopy eyebags but better skin thou. :)

I had my freckles removed so my face complexion became better and I'm greatly happy about it.

Christmas is so near yet so sad....My family is far and I miss them a lot. Hopefully, our PR will be approved. Pls Lord.....

i miss my lil baby angela again.... I miss how she calls me "Maahhmmie" and her dad as " Dyaaaadddiiie"! and the way she dances and sings Twinkle twinkle lil star and I Love you, you love me by barney... they way she answers me "No, no, No, no!" I miss the times that she will excitedly run towards me and hug me tight after a long day of working. I miss her kisses with the sound ha. I miss how she throws her tantrums when she's sleepy, how she curiously touch and play all the things in our room and a lot more.

I love everything about her.I hope our PR application will be approved soon so we can be together for good. Pls Lord.Thank you..








Now it's not just a dream, I am truly his wife already. I hope that God may continue to shower us with much LOVE, RESPECT,UNDERSTANDING and FORGIVENESS with each other. In this way, we will live harmoniously in His will. I have no regrets or anything that I've met him few years ago only. If not because of my pasts, I wouldn't lead through him anymore. Thank u Lord. Thank u for giving him as my partner and my bestfriend.

It's been 4 years since I felt liking someone as much as this. He's the same man I've ever loved and cared about until now. He takes care of me more than what I've always expected. I am Rona whenever I am with him.
We've changed a lot. We are experiencing normal quarrels and all but it has always made us stronger.
He is the reason why I have the best gift from God. Despite the ups and downs, I know we are meant to be. We are borne to be together.

I love my Big Pinnochio. :) More than words can say.

happy family










my lil princess


hays.. i'm sick and i've been feeling this for the past few months. The weather is not cooperating at all, there was like a huge haze two weeks ago and my body is just so weak.

The very best thing despite all of these- my Angel is here. However, next week we will be flying back together to Phils with my Mom and Rob. We will stay there for 10 days to see the house that we bought and fix some legal matters. Hopefully, eveything may run smoothly as possible.

I'm getting ready for a photo shoot tomorrow and I'm excited about it. Hope it's not gonna rain please coz we're doing it outdoors.

I'ma blog next time soon. :) kinda busy with my extra curriculars. :)

This is such a long weekend again.. :) I had a blast with my hubby at the beach, stayed there overnight, then the next day watched movie, played billiards and casino for the first time. Well, I am still awake and it's like more than 12 hours already of being so alive and restless. This is bad. Please let me sleep Lord... I am sorry for offending you. My obligation as a Christian is neglected because of these material things around me. May you bless me with your Holy Spirit to touch my soul and forgive me for being so weak. I am so sorry..... :(

Well, I am still thankful to You, first, I was able to see my Dad and my family. Secondly, my dream house is coming into a reality and we will be moving in there early next year. :) Thank you for giving me such blessings...


Happy grandparent's day to my Inang,my Nanay and Lolo who are all in heaven..
I miss all of you so much. :'(

To my Lolo who is still alive, I will do my best to reach out for you even I'm so far. Ope you take care of my super love dog Hershey...

Tears just keep on falling now coz I can't help but remember the memories we had when my Gmoms were still here on earth.... I hope to dream of them tonight. Please let me hug and talk to them again... Pls God...

So long.... Weekend is over. Tom is a new day to fight, fight, fight!:)

Good night everyone!

I am so freaking tired! It was a long, yet short weekend for me last 28th... I secretly went back to Phils, except of my FB friends who knew about this, to surprise my Dad and I did. He told me he could feel already but he thought that it's not the right time. First, it's only two days, then yesterday i would be back working so it will be very tiring for me right? Secondly, I was so persistent to let them come here instead so I can be with them longer.... I miss my father big time coz it's been three years since he came home and I was still in the Phils... Hoping that every year now we would manage to go home together.
My goal now is to buy the house at Imus which I will need to pay for at least 10 years. It's quite a huge amount of money so I need to restrict myself from buying those unnecessary things which can hinder me from having that goal before the year ends. Well, I can first settle with the reservation fee then carry on with the 300k equity. Wow, if was so thrifty back then, I should have bought this long time ago.... :)

So my Dad told me that this should be my first project this year.... And I promise, I will have this house as soon as possible. :)

I miss my angel so much and it was so sad that our bonding time was literally short! She is growing to be one smart and beautiful baby thou she's a lil bit naughty and restless... You may think that he's a boy when you try taking care of her... She could run here and there, throw things, pick on things and munch on chocolates and drink sodas! Terrible! Well, if I am the one beside her,these things will be minimal. I know that I am a disciplinarian, I'm not strict but I want her to be nice and lady like.. :)

I am hoping to be with her anytime soon again,of course longer this time.

It's not good to say that I am starting to feel stressed. I am just starting my journey in this career. But I hope to see it in a brighter perspective. Nothing is easy unless you work hard for it first and that applies to my job too.....

The next thing I want to do is close my eyes and have an 8 hour sleep...
Thank u Lord for everything. You really never fail me in making me happy. :)

Iloveyou....

This shot was taken 2 weeks ago at Eascoast when we went bowling with my friends.... It was a long weekend because Singapore celebrated its National day on a Monday. So we decided to go to Sentosa beach first then moved to Eastcoast and stayed there overnight. .. weeehhh.. I am so TAN now!
I was so uncomfortable sleeping in the tent for we were like 5 people in one small tent. It's also the usual Rona who can't sleep easily in a different place. Overall, it was fun being so near the beach despite that eastcoast was really packed with people.
Going out with friends would really help me a lot to make my recovery faster and smoother. Thank you Lord for giving me all of them.

Well, tomorrow will be a big day coz my Dad will be back from U.S. after three long years since his mom died. I know he's so excited to our Lil Angela that he kept on reminding me that at last, he will be able to hug and kiss her. :) Everyone's attention is drawn towards my lil girl and I am happy about it. Although me and Robert are not around, people love her, they spend time taking care of her....

If everything goes well with my Dad's interview, they will be probably here next week.. :) I miss him so much, we've been through a lot and I want to make up for my Dad. :)

I hope that my Sunday will be a great day with God and my family.. :)

Hi! I feel like blogging again coz I've got nothing to do after cooking our dinner... I am so sleepy but restless, this isn't a good combo feeling if you wanted to rest after a long day of work. Well, my job is just the usual 8-hour office job, yet I feel that I'm working more than that... Anyway, my career is still on its time of ripening to a sweet victory so I am managing to make it fruitful everyday... :)

My goal now is to lose weight, until my usual flat tummy would go back to normal again. I have lil unwanted fats which I want to eliminate forever! hehehe.. but still, they will tell me that i am so skinny but a bit fleshy now.. And they would say it's a good thing. Hays... I am so not used to it.. Anyway, thank God for giving me a face that could launch a million ship. hahahahha....

I miss my angel so much...i love her a lot!!!! :)
Dear God, Please bless my whole family...
Thank u for everything.
iloveu

Rona

Dear God,

I want to thank you for giving me another day of Life and Love. It's really hard to accept things which You are taking away from me. I know You've got your own reasons, reasons I will never understand until everything gets back to normal again. Slowly, I am helping myself with your grace to overcome this sadness of losing my grandmother. I may sound so pathetic, but I really miss her, with all my heart and soul... :'(

Please help me move on Lord. You are the only source of strength that will never perish.
I am blessed, I am one of your children who adores you all the time. Forgive me for being so weak. Thank you for everything.....

I know you are guiding my family. I have nothing to ask for but their good health and safety especially to my pretty lil angel...

Iloveyou....

Love,
Rona

Hi there! I feel sick today, well I am literally sick. It's been months since I felt this bloated feeling, loss of appetite, and I'm having nasal congestion too which make my mornings so sickening. :( I went to see a doctor yesterday and luckily, for the first time, she's a woman. Doctors here are mostly men, that's why I always feel uncomfortable having checkups with them. At least now, I know what to do for me to avoid gaining weight despite of not eating so well. I just can't afford to religiously do my exercise... First, it's so tiring, i don't have much patience now compared before that I really drag myself to go to the gym. Secondly, I am alone most of the time after work if my colleagues wouldn't be inviting me to hang out somewhere and go shopping. So how can I have this motivation to eat foods with fibers, exercise and drink more water? waaaahh. it's freaking terrible! But I hope this week will be a good start since I am taking up aerobic class and yoga here in tampines, right infront of my block. So I have no excuse to say that Duh, I can not do this! I can do it bABy!
The time is so fast, days pass like a lightning, I've never imagined that it's already a month since my Inang left us. :( I thank God for showing me the light and giving me a direction I have to take and continue following. She left us for a reason, a reason I have yet to discover. God has more to give because he knows how important my grandmother is to me. :'( The consolation part is knowing the fact that her spirit is with Him and she's freed from all the earthly things specifically, PAIN.

I remember the scenario in the hospital last month, I was so scared to look at the lifeline machine while I was sitting beside my Gmom. I thought it's only happening in movies but when I was talking to her, she had shown me some movements which I will never forget. She was in coma but she did move,just to show me that she was listening to me, that she's there for me. After that incident, I saw a ray of hope that she can make it, I went to our church to pray and ask for this very special wish. No, it's a HOPE, not a wish. I told God, if He will let her live, I won't go back here anymore, but rather spend my life taking care of my whole family.... And this is the first time I felt so desperate asking for something so big to Him. It's my gmom's life above anything else was the most important thing to me that time. I wanted her to live. I even bargained to Him, just let her see me for an hour, or maybe a min, or a second.. I was dying to talk to her and to let her know how much I love her... :'(

This is a very difficult time for me but I am doing my best to fight this feeling. I hate to be alone like this coz I know I will break down and cry. :'( It is just so hard to accept that I will never see her again. She was my mentor, I grew up with her, she had known so well more than my own Mom.

Up in heaven if she's watching over me, I hope she knows how thankful I am that she is my grandmom. I wouldn't be like RONA if not because of her because she has molded me to be a nice girl since the first day she held me.

I am sorry that my recent blog entries sound like a cliche to everyone. Blogging is just the most effective way to let it out. ...

Well, it's a long weekend so I hope to start it right. Thank you Lord for all the blessings... :)

Today is August 6, so it's been 4 years of living my life without the shadows of my past. But I still want to thank him also for being good to my Inang.... :)

Happy 14 month to my beautiful Angel... momie loves u so much!

MY INSPIRATION..... THEY ARE THE REASON WHY I'M LOVING LIFE EVEN MORE DESPITE OF ALL THE UPS AND DOWNS...

MOVING FORWARD.....

Few days ago, I came to realize a very important thing in my life that I seem to neglect for so long. It's my faith in HIM, my creator who has been there for me whenever I needed Him. But I was put into a test which I desperately failed to pass. It's true that when i lost my Grandmom, I felt so confused and devastated, so much doubting about Him, whether He wasn't listening to me or forgot about me because I also forgot Him.
What I feel now is a twinge of guilt that I am a no good Christian who always ask but don't know how to say thank you to God. Well, we actually realize the importance of a person or thing if we already lost it or we can never take it back. I am on this track, trying to see the brighter side of losing someone......

May He bless me with a forgiving Heart, may He guide me to do good all the time and be a follower not only in words but in action. I've always believed that He is good. I hope this will still endure in my heart now.....

Thank you Lord for being a great Provider to all my needs. Thank you for giving me a wonderful family and career. Please bless all the people I love. Iloveyou....

Hi! I'm now sitting in a cafe near my hubby's workplace, thinking of relevant things to do starting tomorrow whenever I go home from work. Well, I've changed job since last week thou it took me a while to join this company. I needed to tender one month notice for my previous one, had to clear all my leaves but unfortunately, my grandmother died so I had to go back home. I was still lucky because I was still able to see her alive but fighting for her life. She was in great pain. I can't even imagine how much it hurts to be lying on the hospital bed with the hosts and all those freakin respirator and dextrose. She never wanted to be in the hospital. She would tell us that she would die early if she stays longer inside. Yes, I was scared of the whole situation. I even hate the idea of going to the hospital for just an hour only. The visiting time was AN HOUR! damn it!

The mere fact that I can't do anything to help her, even to let the pain subside, was totally killing me. I love my grandmother so much that until now, I can't get over that she's gone! I will never see her again. I don't know why God had to do this to me. Test my faith, fail me with my prayers of saving my grandma. I want her back, i want her alive. I was too selfish to say that I wanted her to stay longer thou I know she was suffering. It was my greatest wish, I never wished to God anything like this. It's my grandmom's LIFE. That is all I wanted now! :'(

How I wish I was able to go back Phils when she was able to recover. But the situation was so not in favor of me. I lost. I fought hard but still lose. Last June 28, 10AM, I saw her breathing difficulty but still moving her half body after her second stroke. She wanted to speak, I know that she was aware that I was beside her. Her face was like irritated, she can't speak, she can't even open her eyes. I told her about happy thoughts, that i will wait for her and we will do things together again. For the first time, I whispered to her that I love her so much and I would never give up on her. She's the strongest woman I know but how come, God never gave her enough strength to be with me again.

After a week of battle, i needed to go back Singapore. This is the reality I couldn't escape. July 5 2010, she gave up the fight. It was terrible. She waited for me to go first coz she knows I couldn't take it to see her go. I love her. I love her so much!!!
Last July 10, I flew back again to see her for the last time. I told her to guide us all the way and I'm still hoping I can be with her in my dreams coz we never got the chance to talk again. I want to hug her! I want to talk to talk to her again. :'(

If she can read this message, I hope she sees how sad I am now. As strong as I may seem, I am still the soft-hearted baby she took care of for 25 years. I am the luckiest among my siblings coz I was raised by her longer than them.

I love her and I will miss her... :'(

My heart is heavy and weak, yet so filled with love. It’s been a week since I saw my Inang lying in the hospital bed, suffering from her second stroke, fighting for her life. I’m still in the act of denial. Why these things need to happen? Why in this way that we aren’t prepared at all. ☹

My grandmother has been with us since I was born. It’s 25 years of her love and guidance to raise us. But I feel that it’s too short. I still want to be with her thou she’s 87 years old and getting weaker. I never imagined that God will let her experience so much pain that we don’t even know exactly how hurting it is. Physically, you will see her in deep pain and it’s torturing. Mentally, she’s thinking what happened to her, why did she had to go through all of these.

I never had the chance to talk to her in person anymore. But I know when I spoke to her she was still hearing me. She did her best to respond through her small actions to let me know she’s listening and she really wanted to say something but she can’t. :’(
I thought miracles can happen if the person who ask for it is sincere and loving. I thought God will hear my prayers for her even just one year, or one day or maybe one hour of my Inang to see me again. I failed. I couldn’t accept that God is ready to take her but she tried her best to refuse because she knows I’m going back home. I want to scream like there’s no tomorrow! Why in this way??????
Oh God, why is it destined to be like this? You know how I love her, how will I miss her when she’s gone but why???????

At this very moment, I am not sure what’s happening in the hospital. Anytime soon she’ll lose the fight. Her body can not take it anymore. But I know in my heart, she’s fighting for us.
If God will allow, I want to see her alive again, full of life, smiling and laughing with me…. I will miss her and there’s no other love that can replace what I have for her. She’s more than a mother to me. I hope that she will always be there for me to guide me and lead me to the dream she wanted me to be……

I love her. I love her so much….. :’(

I feel mixed emotions- sad because my Inang is still in the hospital, she just suffered from a mild stroke; happy because I believe that she's fighting for us.
Two nights of not sleeping so well is terrible,I am so damn far away from them and all I can do is pray, call them, ask my mom about everything and send financial help...
God knows how much i want to go back home at this very moment... I love my grandmother in the most special way that I can't explain. She's the one who raised me even before I was born. If I will tell my life story from the start, she's gonna be part of it in every chapter. My mom used to work before until before I had my baby so my grandmom is really the one who's beside all the way, from preparing my breakfast, cooking my lunch and dinner, massaging me every time I'm sick, always reminding me to take care of myself now that I'm so far away from her. I miss her. I've been crying because I want to be with her now, but I still can't. I am hoping and praying to God to give her the strength to fight. There's a ray of hope to hold on because I know that she's a strong woman. Everything will be alright. I know. I believe. I trust God.... Pls bless my Inang... i love her so much.

My life is really a roller coaster... so fast... so exciting... thank u for all the votes and support.. :)

Whew! I'm back and feels like a century had passed again. Being in a fast-paced world, days are so fast that I seldom look at time. I don't even wear my watch, I just look at the window outside and see whether the sky has grown dark. That's all.
Well, this month is full of memories that I want to keep in my memory bank because my family is here. Mom celebrated her birthday here last May 4, then the following day, my siblings arrived also. Actually, the main reason they are all here is to celebrate my Angel's first birthday with us. Thou it's pretty expensive, I don't mind as long as we are all together, as family again. I miss hanging out with them. I miss them a lot.

I am praying for something that will make my life change again. But i hope that it's always for the better. It's not that I am never contented, it's just that I still haven't found the right thing that will make me happy. The goal is to have my Angel stay with us for good. She's always gonna be the driving force and inspiration.

Earlier, I was watching the Filipino Channel and it's all about our on going election. I don't have a say on this coz I am never a voter so they always tell me that I am no good citizen. Blame the registration system, I am so lazy to fall in line and mingle with people in a very humid place! Walaw! I know that it's a lousy excuse but the hell I care, nothing has changed. Philippines is still crawling in poverty, crime and corruption. I am really sad that I have to work here and leave a beautiful country despite of these things I've mentioned. argh! I hope that the right candidates will be seated accordingly so in time, I can just retire in my hometown with a full pocket, safe environment and healthy life. :)

So long, tomorrow is another day of GALA... :) wooohooo! Sure thing my off day will be a blast again. It sucks thou.

I am so excited to see her again... :) 12 more hours to go! They look so similar in this photo. i feel that she only got her 2 dimples from me... Anyway, my angel is still the most beautiful creation of God... :)

I'm bloody pissed off with the Filipino staffs in DFA for they don't know how to settle important matters! I've been calling these people for a week to help my Mom in processing my sibs' passports but what the hell are they doing? They should have told me long before the solution to my problem and not just tell me that they can't do it! Why do they have to waste other people time, effort and money if all of them are useless! Their tickets are already booked on the 28 of this month and I would spend few hundred dollars to rebook it again! I am so bloody angry!
Now they are on their way to one of the regional offices which provides walk-in application for first time applicants. It's really terrible! They went there last Monday but nothing happened. The office is only accepting 350 applicants each day. Unexpectedly, people have been queuing around 5am to get their slots so when they reached the place, they weren't entertained anymore. Walau eh! It's damn 4 hour drive from our house, poor thing my brother kept on vomiting while in the car. I hate these policies this DFA is trying to imply and for pete's sake, i hope they do something to make it faster!

That's all... grrrr...
So much for this.
Im off tom.. so excited to see my ANGEL... i love her so much.. Few days more,I'll be able to hug and kiss my lil pinnochio! :)

whoah! It's almost 3am and I still don't wanna sleep. Hell yeah, I'm dead tired but wasting time is the last thing to do at this boring night. I'm writing in Filipino for the next few sentences, missing my mother tongue eh... :)

LAHAT NG BAGAY SA MUNDO AY MAY DAHILAN KUNG BAKIT KAILANGAN MANGYARI. KADALASAN PA AY HINDI NATIN ITO GUSTO O GINUSTO. ISANG HALIMBAWA NA LANG AY ANG PAGKAWALA NG ISANG TAONG MINAMAHAL.
HALOS DALAWANG TAON AT KALAHATI NA ANG NAKAKALIPAS MULA NANG PUMANAW ANG AKING LOLA, INA NG AKING AMA. NAPAKABILIS NG PANAHON, NAAALALA KO PA NOONG GABI NA NALAMAN KONG WALA NA SIYA. HALOS PARANG AYAW KO NG UMUWI,WALANG TIGIL SA PAGPATAK ANG AKING MGA LUHA LALO NA NANG MAKITA KO SIYA. WALA NG HININGA. HINDI NA MULING BABALIK PA.... NAGING MAHIRAP ANG PAGTANGGAP SA SAKIN LALO NA SA AKING AMA DAHIL PAREHO NAMING NARARAMDAMAN NA WALA KAMING NAGAWA PARA MAPAHABA PA ANG BUHAY NIYA. TAMA RING SABIHIN NA HINDI KO NAGAWA ANG LAHAT NG MAKAKAYA KO PARA MAPASAYA SIYA SA BAWAT SANDALI...

ENGLISH MODE, di ko na kaya magtagalog.... hahaha...

I just feel like writing about my Granny because it was her bday last jan17 and I miss all the times that she was still here on earth. I love her, but sad to say, I am not hundred percent sure that she knew it or somehow, she felt it. I've been watching the video (tribute) I made for her two days ago. The nostalgic air in my room is just getting worse, I even see how I neglected her so many times when I got a lot of chances to show her my love. The world was just cruel to her. And I was one of those insensitive human who was supposed to understand her deeply. *tears*

Her death has started the losing grip of my father to see all the brighter things in life. Until now, he can't accept what happened. I even told him to move on thousands of times already. Maybe, I don't understand him but it's not getting any better. Our relationship has changed into a whirlwind of arguments, bitter memories of the past and unending regrets. :(

I'm praying that Nanay will hear me when I talk to God at night. I may be a fool to think that she can actually hear me but who knows, we are just one line apart from heaven. My one little prayer is for her to enlighten my Dad's mind to accept the reality, to cherish the good things and move on with courage. I am positive about this. Please help me God.......

Happy bday nanay... ilove you and i will always will....

In great grief I see no one, I feel empty and so useless. I don't know the exact reason why I am here, why did he create me? I question Him for giving me these things that I cannot handle without fear. This is my great weakness. FEAR. I am afraid that nobody can ever understand the depth of my being, no one could ever accept me for all my shortcomings, and no one can be there for me, just be there for me to give me a little solace.
I am no good follower of God because I feel doubts that I never felt before. Now, I'm taking a long winding path with no direction at all. To be disowned by your own father, to be hated by your own blood,it's the worst feeling. So I don't want to lose my faith in my Heavenly father. I feel sorry that my miseries would blur me like this, turning my back, looking back but not moving forward to be close to him again.
May He forgive me for being weak and mindless of other people's feelings. Please give me another chance to see the light again. With all my heart, I will wait and I will do something about it to see it once more.
Thank you Lord. :'(