In great grief I see no one, I feel empty and so useless. I don't know the exact reason why I am here, why did he create me? I question Him for giving me these things that I cannot handle without fear. This is my great weakness. FEAR. I am afraid that nobody can ever understand the depth of my being, no one could ever accept me for all my shortcomings, and no one can be there for me, just be there for me to give me a little solace.
I am no good follower of God because I feel doubts that I never felt before. Now, I'm taking a long winding path with no direction at all. To be disowned by your own father, to be hated by your own blood,it's the worst feeling. So I don't want to lose my faith in my Heavenly father. I feel sorry that my miseries would blur me like this, turning my back, looking back but not moving forward to be close to him again.
May He forgive me for being weak and mindless of other people's feelings. Please give me another chance to see the light again. With all my heart, I will wait and I will do something about it to see it once more.
Thank you Lord. :'(